Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The first post!

I can remember waking up in the hospital bed at St Vincents, it was my first night there and the only information I knew was that there was something called a mass inside of me. I come to find out now that a mass is just a word doctors use when they don't have a name for what they are looking at. I was scared on that day, only because millions of thoughts went through my head on what the word mass could possibly mean, but I will tell you the truth, Cancer was never one of them. It was not until a few days later when a doctor came into my room, he tried to explain to me that there was something in my body that did not belong. There was something about this doctor that I did not like, he was cold, and he seemed like he had no idea what was going on. Finally i asked one of my loved ones what was going on. I said in such a voice of disbelief "do I have cancer"?....the looks in every ones eyes, the way the doctor couldn't tell me what was going on...I began to cry....long and hard, family came up to me and said things like "You will beat this", and "don't worry, the doctors are amazing"...but at the time...i did not hear one word. I was in a different world, and i knew from that day on, my life would not be the same. It took a few days, and a few meetings with doctors for me to realize, that I was only 16...I have a whole life to live....i cant let this son of a bitch cancer come in and try to change that!...so from that moment on my mind has been set....and i have no doubt in my mind..that i will kick the shit out of this god damn cancer, and will go on to live my life the way it is supposed to be....HEALTHY!!!! ...i know it may take a while, and some shitty times are ahead..but i will keep my head up and my spirits high....so post some thoughts or ideas..anything u want really...and i will be on here updating and telling you about my experiences, and how i feel!!

13 comments:

  1. I am glad you took my advice. I think you are really going to enjoy it. Very touching 1st post....I know you will beat this!!

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  2. I'm so proud of you Ryan. You're the bravest kid I know. You WILL beat this!!! Love you!

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  3. You are amazing. I know you will beat this and live an long and amazing life. Love you

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  4. Ryan,
    I met you when you were just a "little feller". As cute as all get out. I am a distant relative (through Lorraine Kobel). How my heart goes out to you and all you have to suffer, but I know that "you will beat it". You will come out of this a different person--strong with great values. I am so proud of you and how you are fighting this monster.
    Keep up the good work. I am rooting for you and thinking of you. Much love,
    Joy Solomon

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  5. Ryan, your strength amazes and inspires us all. Thank you for being my role model. Just Beat It!
    Maura

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  6. You are one amazing kid!! I love you!
    Michael

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  7. ry this blog is great! you're such an incredible person, i'm so happy i have you in my life.. i love youuuuu

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  8. I would hate to be cancer right now because cancer picked the wrong kid to mess with.....Kimberly

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  9. RYAN, I AM SO PROUD OF YOUR STRENGTH AND COURAGE I KNOW YOU WILL BEAT IT YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON AND I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART...YOU ARE MY MIRACLE CHILD MOM

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  10. Ryan,
    I fully believe with every ounce of my being that you will pulverize this S.O.B. they call cancer. It ain't got a chance in hell. Just Beat It!

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  11. Ryan,
    Its your cuz David from VA. Hope things are going better,everyone hear sends their love. I got to get up their some time.

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  12. Hey Ryan, it's monica, rather yours and sean's aunt mo. katie and i are praying to the angels and we know you will BEAT THE HECK OUT THIS!!! YOU ARE STRONGER!! love...aunt mo-mo

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  13. Ryan, You sound like a tough kid and you write really well about your experiences. Good luck with your fight! I am a cancer survivor myself and I can really empathize with the loneliness you described....it's so important to have your supporters but man, sometimes you really do feel like you're on your own. Well you're not. Beyond your family and friends there's a world of people out here that are with you, including strangers like me. So keep it up! Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's bravery in the face of fear, and you've got that in spades. Looking forward to your success.....

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